Monday, October 8, 2012

Hire Of Local Moron Gives Nation Hope For Employment

October 8, 2012 | ISSUE 48•41 | More News in Brief
PHOENIX—Citizens across the United States are expressing renewed hopes for a nationwide economic recovery following news that local resident and complete moron Ron Freizczky has found work, sources confirmed Monday. “They hired that guy…as a consultant?” Arizona man Bob Gunderbladt said of the 27-year-old dullard, remarking that if a dumb shit like that can get a decent job, anyone can. “The man can’t find his ass with both hands, but—wow, I guess things are really looking up. This country is finally starting to feel like American again.” Reached for comment, leading economists agreed that if more goddamn idiots like Freizczky get jobs that come with financial responsibility, conditions will indeed return to where they were just before the Great Recession.
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