Sunday, September 29, 2013

Last night, Jon Stewart mocked the shit out of Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)

MUST-SEE: Jon Stewart's epic takedown of Ted Cruz's non-filibuster!

Last night, Jon Stewart mocked the shit out of Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) for his all-night non-filibuster, and how he read from Dr. Seuss's "Green Eggs and Ham" and seemed to miss the entire point of the story.
We've already wasted too much time.  We have to get right down to the Senate floor.  Texas Republican Ted Cruz has been addressing that august body with great urgency.
SEN. TED CRUZ, R-TX (9/24/2013): I rise today in an effort to speak for 26 million Texans, and for 300 million Americans. ... And as Americans, we value liberty and opportunity above all else. ... What the American people are interested in is what we've always been interested in.
Stuffed crust pizza.  No, wait.  Tacos made from Doritos.  No!  Frappucino!  Brangelina!  Frappalina!  Bran-ge....
SEN. TED CRUZ, R-TX (9/24/2013): ... what we've always been interested in.  Which is freedom.

Did not see that coming.  Does that freedom have cheese stuffed in its crust?  Well clearly, Senator Cruz believes our freedom is under assault.  Senator Cruz, would you care to offer a historical precedent that you feel is appropriate to the threat that we now face?
SEN. TED CRUZ, R-TX (9/24/2013): You go to the 1940s.  Nazi Germany.
Nazi Germany?!?  Why, that's my least favorite kind of Germany!  You got you regular Germany, your Weimar Germany, your Visigoths, your Hasselhoffs, but oh my God, Ted Cruz says we're at Defcon Nazi!
SEN. TED CRUZ, R-TX (9/24/2013): Look, we saw in Britain, Neville Chamberlain, who told the British people, accept the Nazis.  Yes, they'll dominate the continent of Europe.  But that's not our problem.  Let's appease them. ... And in America, there were voices that listened to that.  I suspect those same pundits who say it can't be done, if it had been in the 1940s, we would've been listening to them.
Let's not listen to them!  I don't wanna listen to the Nazi appeasers!  What is this "it" that these Hitler-lovers believe we can't do, but that you say we should be doing to save our stuffed crust freedom?
SEN. TED CRUZ, R-TX (9/24/2013): I rise today in opposition...
I rise with you!  To defeat what I can only assume is the zombie apocalypse, which is clearly the only thing you could be talking about, given the level of rhetoric you have used thus far.
SEN. TED CRUZ, R-TX (9/24/2013): ... in opposition to Obamacare.
(audience groaning laughter) OK, OK, possibly a very troubled bureaucratic system.  Can we focus on the Nazi zombies for a second?
SEN. TED CRUZ, R-TX (9/24/2013): I intend to speak in support of defunding Obamacare until I am no longer able to stand.
What?!  Well, that's easy for you to take that kind of physical risk — you've got government health care.  (wild audience cheering and applause) So you'd be unable to stand.  "Until the Nazis steal my knees."
Yes, that's Ted Cruz, the Senator who, starting yesterday at 2:41 Eastern Wasting Time, took to the Senate floor for 21 hours, not to filibuster, not to delay, but to cast himself as Churchill to Obama's Chamberlain in the great fight against... Hitler's... health care exchanges.  I lost the thread of the metaphor.  But my point is this.

(audience laughter)
Yeah, it takes a while to sink in.  It takes a while to sink in.
Senator Cruz clearly believes our very freedom is at stake here.  And Senator Cruz — as a brilliant Harvard educated lawyer and Princeton debate champion — I imagine that he is prepared to make a stunning and sophisticated argument as to why Obamacare places this very nation in such peril.
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