Mitt Romney announces Paul Ryan as his VP. (photo: New York Magazine)
Yes, Vagina, There Is No Sanity Clause
28 August 12
Reader Supported News | Perspective
omen, don't worry your beautiful little brains about the recent brouhaha over legitimate forcible rape and pregnancy and all that lady-parts crazy health care talk or the fact that all that crazy talk is actually included in the GOP platform.
Mike Huckabee said that forcible rape can be a really good thing, and he's a compassionate conservative, right? He pointed to Ethel Waters, a child of rape who couldn't have become famous singing Taking a Chance on Love if she had been born, you know, the regular way.
Sharon Angle said that when life hands you lemons you need to make lemonade, because - well, I'm not sure but I guess lemons are the biblical fruit of rape or something. And Missouri GOP Committeewoman Sharon Barnes defended crazy Todd Akin by saying, "... at that point, if God has chosen to bless this person with a life, you don't kill it."
God might have been too busy to bless you with protection from being raped, but He loves you enough to give you a souvenir. And you damn well better keep it.
It's like that scene at the end of "Life of Brian," where everyone gets crucified on a cross and they break into song: Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.
What you need to understand is that this is all about big government and big government needs to be shrunk small enough to fit into your bedroom or better yet, shrunk to the size of a transvaginal probe that fits in your uterus because that's the only way to protect the rights of the unborn, because once the child is born, they don't have any more right to survival than the rest of us. That's what makes America great.
Now I can see the confusion in your eyes because you don't understand all this "forcible rape" and "legitimate rape" terminology being flung around like so much free monkey-poo at the zoo, but it's really nothing to worry about. All of that will be defined when the time comes - and defined by those who understand these things, which is to say, not you. So relax and learn to enjoy it.
There is no need to clutter up your beautiful mind with liberal voodoo-science or wonder how such a painful and brutal thing as rape can be warped and spun into a positive or even patriotic near-religious experience. No ma'am, when it comes to crime and lady-parts, the good Christian GOP doesn't need science, health issues, or facts - they've got God. And God's Word is good enough for government work. Know what I mean?
The horror and trauma of rape is monstrous and life-long whether it's the rape of a woman, girl, or boy. It is vile and cruel. It should not be fodder for politics or for religious-magical-myth-making fanaticism. Nor should there ever be any qualifier attached to the word RAPE. Only snake-oil opportunists would employ such bullshit tactics. Snake-oil salesmen and the right-wing GOP. Same-same.
If you really believe that God gift-wraps rape with pregnancy then I never want to meet your God let alone believe in such a cruel and immoral creature.
Our politics and religiosity have become deeply warped and absolutely insane.
Maybe Planned Parenthood and other women's health organizations should hold a fundraiser by printing and selling t-shirts that read:
Yes, Vagina, there is no sanity clause!
Just a thought.
Reader Supported News is the Publication of Origin for this work. Permission to republish is freely granted with credit and a link back to Reader Supported News.