House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy. (photo: Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty)
09 October 15
The
article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New
York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column,
"The Borowitz Report." 
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Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy has entered rehab to deal with his
“struggles with nouns and verbs,” an aide to the congressman has
confirmed.
According to the aide, McCarthy abruptly dropped out
of the race for Speaker of the House because his difficulties with those
two parts of speech had “spiralled out of control.”
“There was an intervention, in which people who care
about the congressman sat him down and showed him video of himself
talking,” the aide said. “He agreed that he needed help, although it
took people awhile to realize that’s what he was trying to say.”
A source familiar with McCarthy’s struggles, however,
cast doubt on that official story. “It’s not just nouns and verbs,” the
source said. “It’s adjectives, adverbs, and pronouns. Kevin’s going to
be in rehab for awhile.”
In a brief statement to reporters, McCarthy offered a
blunt assessment of his situation. “It bad,” he said. “But soon it be
less badder.”
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