Sunday, February 15, 2015

Alabama Loses Yet Another Fight to Remain in Eighteenth Century

Chief Justice Roy Moore of Alabama, who ordered defiance of a same-sex marriage ruling, once fought to keep a Ten Commandments marker in a judicial building. (photo: Jeff Haller/NYT)
Chief Justice Roy Moore of Alabama, who ordered defiance of a same-sex marriage ruling, once fought to keep a Ten Commandments marker in a judicial building. (photo: Jeff Haller/NYT)

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker
10 February 15
The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."

n Monday, the state of Alabama lost yet another fight to remain in the eighteenth century, extending a losing streak that dates back to the nineteenth century.
Alabama, whose first attempt to remain in the eighteenth century took place between 1861 and 1865, has never shown signs of giving up the fight, even after being dealt a string of stunning defeats in the nineteen-fifties and nineteen-sixties.
According to historians, Monday’s loss brings the number of failed attempts by Alabama to more than four thousand.
But even with this latest defeat, some of the state’s residents, such as Chief Justice Roy Moore, of the Alabama Supreme Court, remained resolute in their fight to return to a time before electricity and indoor plumbing.
“The United States Supreme Court has decided that it is the twenty-first century,” Moore said on Monday. “I say, ‘Not in Alabama, it isn’t.’ ”

KKK is supporting the Chief Justice of Alabama's efforts to hold back the tide of equality in the interests of fear.
+20 # Buddha 2015-02-11 11:20
More and more I think we should to tell the Old Confederacy that we have reconsidered, we were wrong to force them to stay in the Union. Please, just go. We would be far better off without their endemic racism and religious fanaticism contaminating our body politic. We'll even throw in the "flyover" States too.
+14 # mmcmanus 2015-02-11 13:03
Unfortunately, morons like Moore are driving us closer and closer to a literal division of our country. He took an oath to uphold the Constitution and adhere to the rule of law, yet he is committing what I would call treason. I am stunned that the federal government has not yet physically removed him from office--his type of hateful behavior gives hope to the hillbillies still fighting the Civil War, and that hope needs to be obliterated forcefully and immediately.
+4 # NAVYVET 2015-02-11 21:30
The 18th Century? Nah, it furnished the best ideas of the skeptical Enlightenment. Alabama hates the 18th century. And don't say that Alabama's behavior is Medieval, because the Carolingian Renaissance of the 9th century, and DEFINITELY the Twelfth Century Renaissance, were way, WAY ahead of Alabama with regard to human rights, women's rights, and intellectual achievement. How about Islam? Nope, the Sufis of the 11th/12th century were far ahead--just read Rumi, and the Muslims of Spain, Persia & Africa, with their Jewish colleagues, were much more advanced than most societies--the first universities, for example. We still read and learn from the early Buddhists and Taoists of East Asia. In the Republic, Roman women had all sorts of rights, most of their slaves could expect freedom, and the Greeks invented democracy & high intellectual standards, altho they earned a bad rep for women's rights and slavery. The ancient Celts and Germans thrived when they had women leaders. And so on.
I admit the Roman Emperors were mostly slime, but we must to back to the most tyrannical imperialists of the Iron Age, like the Pharaohs and tyrants of Assyria to plumb the corrupt moral depths of 21st century Alabama. PS: Don't blame the "hillbillies" since most of them--including northern Alabama, which seceded from the Confederacy, don 'cha love it?--weren't racist in the 19th century, fought for the Union Army, and had more common sense than modern Alabamans.

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