March 18, 2014
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what was described as a major ramping up of sanctions, Secretary of State John Kerry announced on Tuesday that the United States had frozen Russian President Vladimir Putin’s Netflix account, effective immediately.
“Unless and until Mr. Putin calls off the
annexation of Crimea, no more ‘House of Cards’ or ‘Orange Is the New
Black’ for him,” Mr. Kerry said. “The United States will not stand by
and reward the annexation of another sovereign nation with a policy of
streaming as usual.”
While all of the sanctions Mr. Kerry announced on Tuesday were Netflix-related, he warned Mr. Putin that “nothing is off the table.”
“I’m sure I don’t need to remind the Russian President that ‘Game of Thrones’ is about to come back for another season,” he said. “As I have said, this thing could get very ugly, very fast.”
Get news satire from The Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox.
While all of the sanctions Mr. Kerry announced on Tuesday were Netflix-related, he warned Mr. Putin that “nothing is off the table.”
“I’m sure I don’t need to remind the Russian President that ‘Game of Thrones’ is about to come back for another season,” he said. “As I have said, this thing could get very ugly, very fast.”
Get news satire from The Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox.
2 comments:
The childlike pettiness should be enough to end this administration.
This has got to be the dumbest and most childish action I have seen by out Governmnet ever. What have we turned into? A bunch of creaming whiny babies?
Post a Comment