Mass shootings have become all too common in the U.S. (photo: file)
07 November 13
The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."
new study released today indicates that Americans are safe from the
threat of gun violence except in schools, malls, airports, movie
theatres, workplaces, streets, and their own homes.
Also: highways, turnpikes, libraries, places of worship, parks, universities, restaurants, post offices, and cars.
Plus: driveways, garages, gyms, stores, military bases-and a host of other buildings, structures, and sites.
National Rifle Association C.E.O. Wayne LaPierre
applauded the study, saying that it reinforced his organization's
long-held position that the United States does not need additional gun
laws. "This study makes it abundantly clear that Americans are in no
danger of gun violence except in these isolated four hundred and
thirteen places," he said.
He added that he hoped that the study would spark a
conversation "about the root cause of mass shootings: people who
recklessly show up at places where they could be shot at."
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