(illustration: unknown)
By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker
06 June 13
The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."
oday, President Obama issued the following letter to all Verizon customers:
Dear Verizon Customers,
Yesterday it came to light that the National Security
Agency has been collecting millions of phone records from you each and
every day. Since that news was released, many of you have called the
White House with questions and concerns about this new program. To save
my time and yours, here are answers to three of the F.A.Q.s (Frequently
Asked Questions) we've been hearing from you:
1. Will I be charged extra for this service?
I'm happy to say that the answer is no. While the
harvesting and surveillance of your domestic phone calls were not a part
of your original Verizon service contract, the National Security Agency
is providing this service entirely free of charge.
2. If I add a phone to my account, will those calls also be monitored?
Once again, the answer is good news. If you want to
add a child or any other family member to your Verizon account, their
phone calls - whom they called, when, and the duration of the call -
will all be monitored by the United States government, at no additional
cost.
3. Can the National Security Agency help me understand my Verizon bill?
Unfortunately, no. The National Security Agency has
tried, but failed, to understand Verizon's bills. Pease call Verizon
customer service and follow the series of electronic prompts.
I hope I've helped clear up some of the confusion
about this exciting new program. But if you have any further questions,
please don't hesitate to call the White House. Joe Biden is standing by.
God bless America,
President Obama
No comments:
Post a Comment