Monday, October 27, 2014

Poll: Majority of Americans Favor Quarantining Wolf Blitzer

CNN's Wolf Blitzer. (photo: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP)
CNN's Wolf Blitzer. (photo: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP)

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker
26 October 14
 
The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, "The Borowitz Report."
mid concerns that the spreading fear of Ebola has become a greater threat than the virus itself, a new poll shows that a majority of Americans favor a quarantine of the CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer.
While poll respondents supported quarantining more than a dozen cable-news personalities, including the entire cast of “Fox & Friends,” a full seventy-two per cent gave the nod to a quarantine of Blitzer.
At the Centers for Disease Control, a spokesman said that a Blitzer quarantine was “very much on the table,” and that the C.D.C. had come up with a workable plan.
“Essentially, we would do a lockdown of ‘The Situation Room’ and provide Wolf with food and water until the crisis passes,” he said.
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