John McCain. (photo: Kasfter/AP)
29 May 15
The
article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New
York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column,
"The Borowitz Report." 
alling
the Obama Administration’s actions against the soccer organization
“weak and ineffective,” Senator John McCain on Thursday proposed
military action to “dismantle and destroy FIFA once and for all.”
“These are people who only understand one thing:
force,” McCain said on the floor of the United States Senate. “We must
make FIFA taste the vengeful might and fury of the United States
military.”
McCain said that he was “completely unimpressed” by
the Department of Justice’s arrests of several top FIFA lieutenants this
week, calling the action “the kind of Band-Aid solution that this
Administration, sadly, has become famous for.”
“Rounding up a few flunkies in a hotel is meaningless
when the leader of FIFA remains at large,” he said. “I will follow Sepp
Blatter to the gates of Hell.”
McCain requested a four-billion-dollar aid package for
moderate elements within global soccer, and said that the United States
should be prepared to put boots on the ground in Switzerland.
Calling the use of force against FIFA “long overdue,”
he placed the blame for the group’s alarming growth squarely on the
shoulders of the White House. “Barack Obama created FIFA,” he said.
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