Jeb Bush. (photo: Deanna Dent/Reuters/LANDOV)
15 May 15
"The
article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New
York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column,
"The Borowitz Report."
fter
several days of controversy over whether he would have authorized an
invasion of Iraq, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush said on Thursday that
the question was unimportant since it is now painfully clear that he
will never be President.
"Look, I can understand people wanting to know
where I stand on this Iraq business if I actually had a chance of being
elected," he told an audience in Arizona. "But since I've pretty much
pissed that away, what's the point, really?"
Bush urged those who sought out his opinion on
policy matters to take a look at how poorly his campaign is going "and
get a reality check about the odds of me ever being President, which are
hovering in the vicinity of zero."
"I'm tied with Ben Carson in the polls, folks," he
said. "You heard me. Ben-freaking-Carson. A neurosurgeon. If you're
running in a Republican primary and can't beat a scientist, you might as
well put a fork in it."
When asked by a reporter what he would do to grow
the economy, Bush laughed ruefully and said, "Well, I guess if I said
that I'd do exactly what my brother did and drive the whole thing
straight into the crapper, you folks would have a field day with that,
wouldn't you? But let's get serious. You want an answer to that
question, ask someone who actually has a chance at winning this damn
thing. I'm sure Scott Walker would love to talk to you good people."
