Hillary Considers Dropping 2016 Bid After Reading One-Star Reviews on Amazon

June 10, 2014

Posted by Andy Borowitz

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said today that she is “seriously considering” not running for President in 2016 after reading an avalanche of scathing one-star reviews on Amazon for her new book, “Hard Choices.”
Secretary Clinton said that she was “shattered” to discover that dozens of people had apparently purchased her book on its first day of publication, read all six hundred and fifty-six pages in one sitting, and judged the finished product so unsatisfactory that it only merited one star on Amazon.
“These people all read my book cover to cover on the very first day it was published, so they must have really been looking forward to it,” a shaken Clinton told reporters. “It’s devastating for me to think about how I must have let them down.”

As for her decision to forgo a possible 2016 White House run, Clinton said, “The people who posted these one-star reviews on Amazon must have given their criticisms a great deal of thought and consideration. At the end of the day, if I did such a bad job writing a book, what kind of President could I possibly be?”
The former Secretary of State said that if the atrocious Amazon reviews keep piling up, she will most likely drop her Presidential bid, but she offered some idea of what she might do instead of running for the nation’s highest office.
“I think I’ll roll up my sleeves and try to write a book that all of those one-star reviewers will really like,” she said. “I just hope they’ll give me a second chance.”

Photograph by Joe Raedle/Getty.