May 6, 2014
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — In what legal experts are calling a landmark decision, on Monday the United States Supreme Court struck down what many believe to be the main reason the country was started.
By a five-to-four vote, the Court eliminated what grade-school children have traditionally been taught was one of the key rationales for founding the United States in the first place.
“The separation of church and state has been a
cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years,” said
Justice Samuel Alito, writing for the majority. “Getting rid of it was
long overdue.”
Calling the decision “historic,” Justice Antonin Scalia was guarded in predicting what the Court might accomplish next.
“Last year, we gutted the Voting Rights Act, and today we did the First Amendment,” he said. “We’ll just have to see what’s left.”
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Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images.
Calling the decision “historic,” Justice Antonin Scalia was guarded in predicting what the Court might accomplish next.
“Last year, we gutted the Voting Rights Act, and today we did the First Amendment,” he said. “We’ll just have to see what’s left.”
Get news satire from The Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox.
Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images.
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