Romney Spends Day Tearfully Apologizing At Father's Grave
BRIGHTON, MI—Visitors to Brighton’s Fairview Cemetery confirmed that since early this morning, former Republican
presidential candidate Mitt Romney has been kneeling at his father’s
gravestone and tearfully apologizing to the late politician for his loss
to Barack Obama in Tuesday’s election. “All I ever wanted to do was
please you, and I failed. I am so, so sorry,” Romney reportedly said as
he ran his fingers along the marbled engraving of his father’s name,
quietly sobbing while wiping away dirt from his tear-streaked face. “I
tried as hard as I could. Honestly, Dad, I did. Can you ever forgive
me?” Sources reported that a disconsolate Romney finally left the plot
after a deep, guttural voice emanated from the ground and said, “You’ve
disappointed me, Mitt. Go away. Forever.”
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