The Onion's Guide To Hosting A Perfect Thanksgiving
Every host wants to pull off the perfect holiday gathering with a
delicious, stress-free meal that leaves friends and family happy and
satisfied. Here are some helpful tips to ensure your Thanksgiving is
pleasant and memorable:
- Accommodate your vegan guests by providing a few unappetizing dishes
- If guests bring dishes of their own, give the dog a bite first to confirm none is laced with poison
- Invite guests to lend a hand in the preparation by periodically
dropping a utensil in the kitchen, shouting an obscenity, and slamming
the oven door shut
- Instead of worrying about dirty dishes, leave them outside overnight for the raccoons to lick good and clean
- Keep bringing out food to avoid participating in any conversations
- I told you a thousand times to cook the stuffing in a separate dish, and now it’s all soggy. What the fuck is wrong with you?
- Say a phrase like “Here it is!” or “It’s time, everybody!” when bringing out the turkey
- Have children sit at a smaller table so they feel gigantic
- Cook a dish representative of each guest’s ethnicity and then say,
“This is for you,” as you hand it to them in front of everyone
- Avoid potentially awkward situations with creative seating
arrangements; for example, try putting a chair or two on top of the
table and maybe one in the bathroom
I love thanksgiving. I remembered when I lived in a rent apartments in buenos aires where this holiday doesn´t exist I got really depressed that day. It is a holiday to be with your family, it is my favorite one.
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