How Illegal Immigrants Cross The Border

March 2, 2011

Last week, in one of its largest arrests in the past year, U.S. Border Patrol agents apprehended 128 individuals suspected of illegally entering the country from Mexico as a single group. How are immigrants crossing into the United States?

• Disguising self as asshole, joining group disguised as assholes, walking across border, blending in immediately
• Having sexy cousins ask the Border Patrol whose breasts are nicer, then sneaking past while guards are judging
• Getting selves medically disassembled to appear as a carton of donated organs and then reanimated by mad scientist in Brownsville, TX
• Being carried across border and expelled by female, eventually growing to normal size
• Launching a hot air balloon, then running across when everyone's looking up at it
• E-mailing relatives in the States and adding themselves as attachments
• Gulping down a handful of LSD and slipping straight into Phoenix on a rainbow
• Devoting entire life to study of civil engineering, attending prestigious American doctoral program on student visa, completing coursework with distinction, allowing visa to expire, and then craftily fleecing U.S. out of millions and undermining native citizens' liberties